10:15 p.m. -11:00 p.m.
...
uh huh

i hate that i cry and you don't know it

wishing on an imploding star
wanting my shoulder to be a phone call away.
a stroke of the hair can make the world stop
a hug and a whisper of reassurance
could mean the world to a girl.
i hug my pillow wishing on an imploding star
wishes can come true, wishes can come true.
listening for a car to possibly pull up
in this snowy, empty driveway.
nobodys home anyway.
drive on over, be my shoulder and
surprise me
i hug my pillow wishing on an imploding star
wishes will come true, wishes will come true.
i replace my shoulder for a pillow
and it seems to rain on the cases here...
spin cycle and reused by the dozens
but who's really counting?
sucks when texting and msn can't tell
if emoticons are real and who's really LOLing
and if blogposts are overexaggerations or how one really feels
if my life is really this messed
my mind anyways
rambler never ceases to amaze
ramblerambledone.
i'll talk to you
you go be oblivious
i'll have a nice cry
and go to sleep

.rewritten over and over by.
Death Of Beauty

and we're on to year numba TWO!

looking back on 2008
what a shitty year
it's amazing how much i regret the months before i met him
it's amazing how much it brightened my life
it's amazing how much i look back on those old times where i thought i was happy
when i thought i found "the one"
what bullshit
letmerantletmerant
rant rant rant
rabble rabble rabble
i am SO not looking forward to school
crraappppp
going to florida: sadness
not seeing him for over 3 weeks: major sadness
making up for lost time on NewYears: completely worth the wait

dont tell me if i'm dying because i don't want to know...

...don't wake me because i'm dreaming of angels on the moon

i wish i could relate to the Paramore song title
For A Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic
because ya know what? i'm not...
new year. new problems.
i'm in no mood for change
spending nights staring at my ceiling
wondering when he'll finally clue in.
spending days staring into space
wondering what would become of me
if my life never turned upside down.
new year.new problems.
when is it right for change?
on a sunny day you can peek through the fog
and see into my mind
just a pacer, a thinker,
and never ending thoughts of 'buts' and 'what ifs'.
old year. old problems.
out of sight
out of mind
i don't think i want to change a thing...do i?

.where everyone you know never leaves too soon.
bolded lyrics and title is Angels On The Moon by Thriving Ivory
Happy New Year
only 3 years until 2012
Nostradamus... the apocalypse... end of ze world
haha joking, i don't believe that stuff...
or do i?
it's 3am now, i'm fuckin TIRED
goodnight to all...

i dont wanna be the one, only overjoyed

and i can't imagine feeling this.
this lump in my throat.
this desire to breathe.
this skipped heartbeat
that'll be dearly missed.
i begin to reach out
for whats not in my reach.
and my tongue starts dancing
for that unforgettable taste.

I'M NOT MADE OF STEEEELLL

i'd give any day to walk in someone elses shoes
preferably someone from toronto
if i had a nickel for every time i thought about home
i'd be a fuckin millionaire

so far away
so long to wait
and i don't want to waste another second here

Missing Home
Missing My Friends
Missing You
I think I might have lliieedd....

this is the .Ddeath.Oof.Bbeauty.

nothing is reall...

i'm in florida.
i'm in the United States...
and the more miles we put between
the more i hate to miss.
i miss it all.
i'm chewing nails like a piece of gum
and playing a game of tug-o-war with my own hair.
seeing palm trees wishing they were covered with snow
wishing the pool was for skating not swimming
its amazing how human i've become.
so human that it hurts
i love, i lose, i feel, i fear
i miss, i mope, i sin, i tear
and all these things all add up
and i end up missing the most.
and the more miles we put between
the more i hate to miss!

[living is easy with eyes closed and misunderstanding all you see
let me take you down because i'm going to
strawberry fields.... forever]
--beatles

So.Far.Away... I Stand As The
DeathhOffBeautyy

she ricochets! and you dont notice...

spin collide and crash and burn
watch her swirl watch her swirl
like every other teenage girl.
waiting by the phone.
waiting for shining armour.
waiting for her miracle.
for the ringing that'll never grace the ears
words she wishes she just might hear.
for her eyes to sparkle and twinkle wide
when he says "i'll never leave your side"
for a whiff of his shirt, a sniff of cologne
and a little plea, "please don't leave me alone."
for the special dinners in fancy clothes
and gracing her with that single red rose
for a bone-crushing hug letting emotions flow
the time where she wished he will never let go.
for a kiss on the cheek, for a kiss on the lips
for whispering nothings and grinding of hips.
for all of the past memories that she did adore
for the weakening knees that sends her to the floor.
for the times where she screamed so loud to his face
when she told him she's leaving and he's a disgrace.
for the money spent on kleenex and ice cream
for the times she'd wish to wake up from this dream.
for the endless playing of her Paramore ringtone
"i have fallen down and i can't do this alone..."
for the love, the loss, the guilt and regret
for the time she said "i wish we had never met"
for the pounding on the door, and another red rose
he reminds her she's the only real thing that he knows
for the make up tears, the make up kiss
for all those moments when they were in such bliss.
.stop.rewind.
watch her swirl watch her swirl
life's too dramatic for that
poor
teenage
girl
...

LIVE IT UP LIKE THE
DEATH O' BEAUTEHHH

Original: She's A Let Down, But She's Worth The Pain

{C} i'm taking my shot {Am}
i'm losing my mind {G}
what do you see when you look in my eyes {C}
hopeless and weak {Am}
i'm admitting defeat (G)
what do you feeel when i'm there in your arms

{A} words never spoken
glances never passed and {G}
now i believe we are going far off track

{pause} i can be your {Em} let dooowwwnnn {G}
i can be your {Em} sweetest misery {G}
i'll take down my {Em} haloooooo {G}
and show you this {Em} darker side of me {G}
{G} so let me be your greatest, {pause} greatest let down

...its all i got so far

...what do you see?

my life is an ongoing circle
peek through blinds and see the fog,
a day to match my mind.
hug me on a cold winter morning
you could always warm my heart.
it surprises me how much i thought you didn't care.
if eyes are gateways to the soul, then i'm slipping away.
let's fall like tears down the faces of those who believed
let's be nothing.
nothings impossible.
nothings special.
nothings out of reach.
let's be nothing,
because nothing lasts forever...
i'm tired of waiting for those words
that i must tell first...