and maybe you should sleep, and maybe you just need...

...a friend as clumsy as you've been, theres no one laughing

sling your arm over my shoulder
and lets stare at the faded stars.
i found that there is more to love
then kisses and the cliches.
movies are made to lower our own self esteem.
kisses in the rain just make you cold.
and i love yous are said because he knows
its only what you want to hear.
lets lean against the postlights
and wonder why we used to love those
who made our hearts leak out through our eyes.
lets lean against the trees
and wonder why we broke our nails
trying to write promises and initials in the bark.
lets make this the anti-cliche
lets sing clumsy and our lady peace
because theres a reason our pasts dont show up in the future.
lifes waiting for you...
do do dododo do dodo dododo do do dododo do dodo.

.you will be safe in here.
the bolded stuff and title are Clumsy by Our Lady Peace
something that i thought was impossible is coming to be real
and im awestruck...

The Boy Test aka "Survival of the Fittest"

so to sum up my first segment quickly
i narrow down my specimen searches based on characteristics and the physicality... now i need to report my findings to this day and share them with the world. or, to keep in this blog forever, i dont quite know.
but now to continue my report
lets start at the beginning...
last year i decided to do my testing on the so called "young-but-promising" specimen. he was one year younger than I, but was more mature (hence the "promising" part above). Although he matched the characteristics and fit the whole, nerd/geek/dweeb category, he seemed to have an abnormally high level of testosterone, and was not mixing well with the needs of my original chemical. so after a month of testing, i decided to pull the plug and allow it back into the field.

it wasnt until november of last year that i decided to start up my research again, so i took a sample from the so called "scrawny-dweeb-with-cool-features" specimen. he was one year older then i was, and in the beginning the sample was more hesitant towards my chemicals, but with ease became rather close. in fact, within a month the sample had become a more sticky substance and would latch on to my chemical, not allowing it to breathe. the teenage language would describe this as clingy, and unfortunately also had to let my sample and all my research go to waste.

the most recent waste of my time and research went to the so called "lovable-aggressive-perverted-geeky-athlete." of course this seems bizarre, but to explain the complexity of this specimens substance would bore the readers and would take up as much time as it did to me. other than the athlete part, he qualified for my testing with flying colours in the beginning, but unfortunately did not last. when mixed with my chemical, the substance turned pink and became a full substance. by then i had thought my research was complete, and these papers and past data were thrown into a nearby trash can for 6 months. unfortunately by the end of the 5th month, the substance became hard and the pink darkened into a red, blood like colour and the two substances began to divide. Month wise, this was mid-July. i had noticed this and completely went back to work, until suddenly the vial began to crack, and the sample was forcing my chemical out through the cracks. the aggressive quality in the sample took the front and grew to the point that it was damaging my own physical state. i was sent to the emergency room because of this very reason this summer. by the end of the sixth month, i had failed to resolve the issue and, heartbroken, the sample was thrown to waste.

i sat, hopeless, and depressed, a wondering if i could ever fix the cracked vial and my chemicals state. for a month i couldn't find strength to carry on with my research, and thought to take a break. but unknowingly a new specimen was in my reach, i just needed the strength of my friends to fix up my lab. and now i am back up and running tests.

and now to bring you up to date on my studies. i have found a new specimen, the so called "too-good-to-be-true". it has been a total of six days, and the sample has begun to take effect on the vial and my chemical, and has begun to repair the damages of the last sample. it is too soon to tell if the chemicals will remain in sync with one another but the slow and easy process that has taken effect looks promising.

this report has come to an end. i will record my findings when there is more to tell. so far i can say that i am surprisingly happy with the results but it is too early for me to get my hopes up.

little happy dance....
annnnnddddd
over

.lifes.looking.up.for.
.Death.of.Beauty.

The Boy Test aka "Survival of the Fittest"

what have i been doing?
i set up myself a chemistry lab at birth
to see if i could make a match...
a new discovery, worldwide or personally
and right now i've noticed my flaws.
to be brief on the subject...
i've been taking samples from different specimens
mainly from the opposite sex
due to the fact that the same sex samples havent been to my liking.
i've noticed that all specimens of the opposite sex have different characteristics
some with good qualities, some worth testing
and there are some who i wouldnt sample with a twenty foot pole.
mainly i sample the ones with a care for others of the female species
a little more then they care for themselves...
this is what i call being selfless and caring
also, i sample those who stays true to their word and are able to make the opposite species smile with a couple of words
i call it a "joke"
this is what i call being honest, sincere and funny
next we move into the physical appearance of the specimens
there is the so called "jock/popular/egotistical moron"
whose sample will never be taken due to the fact that their physicality hardly ever matches the characteristics of my taste
there is the so called "nerd/geek squad member/trekkie/dweeb"
whose sample has been proven faulty when added to the original chemicals on two different accounts. the first specimens sample was considered to be too "clingy" and failed to give the chemical any room to expand and grow... and the other sample was more interested in the other vials to mix properly with my chemical. Although, the first sample did fit the characteristics perfectly, whereas the second lacked in the caring area.

this will be continued tomorrow night, when i return from collecting new data and samples from my new subject... the unexplainable "too-good-to-be-true" specimen
...

.all.is.fair.in.love.and.

.Death.of.Beautyy.

its been awhile since i could hold my head up high...

...and everything i cant remember

as i watch my reflection
flow and fade
i learn that not every teardrop makes the same ripple.
not every step leaves the same print.
not every heart beats to the same rhythm.
and not every man, is worth the extra breath.
why let him obscure your hearts rhythm
why let him make it skip a beat?
why let him make you watch as he leaves
why let him make you step away from love?
why let him force you to shed your own tears
why let him allow your reflection to ripple?
as i watch my reflection
flow and fade
i'll never again let it ripple and fall.

.as fucked up as it all may seem.
the bolded stuff is Staind- Its Been Awhile
from now on...
happy thoughts
welcome back
.death.of.beauty.