the death of beauty....

just got into university!
and is really giddy!
and is feeling pretty!
and witty!
and freaky,
TEEHEE!!


GOODNIGHT
xoxo
Death.Of.BEAUTY! =D

I...

am drunk.

SO NO MESSAGE TODAY
OR POST OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT


LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED.
except i don't have it!!!!

xoxo
.Death.Of.Beauty.

don't even bother

i'm over it ;)

what's that supposed to mean?
Hmmm, it could mean a bunch of things
use your imagination =D


gonna rock tonight
and party like fuckin rockstars

xoxo
DeathofBEAUTY

his song.

"I don't love you
I'm just passing the time.
You could love me if I knew how to lie.
But who can love me I am out of my mind.
Throwing a line out to sea.
To see if I can catch a dream."

Everyone in my life lives in a dream world. You think you can just do absolutely anything you please, without caring about how it may affect others. Once again I give a big Fuck. You. to those lovely folks in my life who believe that anything is possible if you just believe.... no, anything is possible if you believe you can work hard enough to achieve it.
No love
No time
No secrets
No mind
No hook, line, sinker
No dreams.

Get your heads out of the clouds and back into your dense heads.

i fought the war...

I fought the war
I fought the war
but the war won't STOP for the LOVE OF GOD!!!!

if I dig my hole deep enough.
I can be cooked by the centers core.
if I dig my hole deep enough
I can fall through the Earth and float in nothing for eternity.
if I dig my hole deep enough.
it can just, implode on me.

You
can
bury
me
alive.

and
I'll
be
the
Death....Of.... you

and another one...

first day of work...
and i hate it already.

Another day.

another empty inbox,
another fall,
another panic attack,
another brawl,
another dark phase,
another dent in my wall,
another excuse,
another missed call,
another scribble,
another scrawl,
another reason,
he won't miss me at all.

 xxoo
DeathOfBeauty

I'm almost certain...

... That the post before this made NO SENSE WHATSOEVER.
Bear with me, please.

i just wanted to hold you in my arms...

i'm changing
it's not like i haven't noticed.
...
i just pretend not to.

University.
School.
Friends.
Mother.
Father.
Money.
Boyfriend.
Love.
Life.
Death.
Everyone Else's Problems That Have Been Thrown At Me.

Despite my best efforts, I can't help but cry.
Despite the troubles when everyone else tells me, I still feel depressed.

I don't understand why people say "You know, there are starving children in Africa! They have it worse than you ever will."

Well, sir, you may just be correct on that account. But really, it's not about what you have compared to other people that defines whether or not you're entitled to feel bad for yourself. It's about how much you lost to get to where you are now.
Little African children have no food, no water, and barely any shelter. What have they lost since they arrived on this planet? Nothing really... well of course it depends on the situation, if there was a drought or hurricane or other natural disaster they are excepted from my theory.
Now I, on the other hand, went from a spacious house to a townhouse, from a nuclear family to a separated family, from confident to diffident, from free to disgustingly unsupervised... well, you get the idea. My life went from one side of the world to the other... and has begun to affect everything I care about. My dad got worried... about my sister for being too shy and my brother for being secretive (...I exist too...I think?). My mom decided to book an EIGHTEEN DAY VACATION TO ISRAEL in the middle of the fucking SCHOOL YEAR, then bitches at me about how I'll never get into university with my marks. Fuck. You. If she really cared, she would have set some fucking ground rules and would have said No no no, this is my daughters last year of high school she needs to study. (My dearest loving mother is living as if she were 25, a dream world) What.E.Ver.

Mmmm I seem to have trailed off, forgive me.
That fucking Starving-Kids-In-Africa line doesn't work, you dipshits.
Don't get me wrong, I feel terrible that they live the way they do, if I had money to spare, I would love to donate to Haiti Relief.
But just because they live in worse conditions, it doesn't mean that I must bite my lip while my world shifts from one spectrum to the other (I mean, as far as the Canadian suburbs spectrum goes).


Mmmmm fuck, I'm so angered by my life that I've started to cry... huh, funny how my moods swing between depressed and angry.
Damn my mind and it's inability to put thoughts and theories into words.
This probably made no sense, and I should go back and proofread it for any signs of coherence, but I'm afraid that if it doesn't make sense it will simply make me feel worse.

I'll smile for a while. (that rhymed)
And it can very well be genuine.
...
...


But don't fuck with me.

KayyyyTHX
xox

Of

Hypothetically, of course... maybe...

if I were to write a story based on my high school life... what could I possibly call it?
A loooong time ago when I tried writing it
I called it
The Girl In The Glass Box
But i don't know anymore...
Hmmm let me think about it.

MARCH BREAK FUCK YEA.

I Belong To You/Mon Coeur S'ouvre A Ta Voix--- (By Muse)

La morte Di Bellezza

aka

Death Of Beauty.

you electrify my life...

Yea, just lyrics tonight. Because I gotta study
and I just got back from the Muse and Silversun Pickups concert...
Yumm....
Here's some hope, expectations, black holes and revelations...
otherwise known as
Starlight by Muse =D

Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

THE Starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms

Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold

Cowards....

Aren't we all?

I'll watch you go....

You speak to me
I know this will be temporary
You ask to leave,
but I can tell you that I've had enough.
I can't take it
This welcome is gone and
I've waited long enough to make it
and if you're so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go...
Step up to me
I know that you've got something buried
I'll set you free
You set conditions, but I've had enough.
I can't take it
This welcome is gone and
I've waited long enough to make it
and if you're so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go.....

 

don't let it go away, this feeling has got to stay

While reading through certain psychological disorders for a literature paper, I've discovered that I'm the worst kind of hypochondriac.

Definition of myself now: a bipolar schizophrenic with anxiety and major depressive issues.

Whoops... damn psychology class.

Happy Monday,
Now I'll get off here and study for one test, one quiz, and write a lab report and three different responses. Hoorah!!!!

Fml...
Dee Oh Beauty.