A Sense of Belonging

the chipped wood is smooth against my bare feet.
the black metal gate creaks melodies,
while the ducks join in harmony.
i stand facing the old elms and pines
giving off the autumn glow
as the sun sets behind me.
i grip the stair rail as i watch the water;
a relaxed, rippling, invitation in blue.
the reflection of the sun on the surface
is like a thousand camera flashes all at once.
blinding but craving.
stepping down, i inch towards the pool side.
the smell of chlorine makes the invite so much more tempting.
the ducks have resumed their qualms and elegance
above and below the surface.
the flowers and the old bumblebee tree
neatly line the left side of the waters.
closing my eyes, i dip my toes.
relief washing over me like a high tide.
the scent of burning charcoal overpowering my senses.
i am snapped back into realization.
i am home.

What Am I?

i am just that irritable itch
in the one unreachable region of your back.
the chill running up and down your spine.
the wind that gives you goosebumps
making your hair stand on end.
i am the drowsy pill that's slowly kicking in,
the drugs you can't ignore.
i am the eyes that peer through the shadows.
the voice you think you hear
whispers of "you know you miss me."
i am the cramp in your leg,
the "pins and needles" in your feet.
i am your loose shirt thread.
the wrinkle in your forehead.
i am your misplaced curl.
the eyelash in your eye,
to make your eyes water
pick me up and wish me away.
i am the missed,
the missing,
the lived, loved, and the lost.
i am dreams.
i am reality.
i am the flaw.

hush, you colour my eyes red...

...your loves not live it's dead

keeping a close eye on what i want
but all my focus on the one thing i cannot have.
it's hard to say i miss you.
so i don't.
body language is a powerful thing
and my now baggy jeans say it all.
my failed attempts
at ridding myself of this hurt.
my intentional papercuts.
my hollowed eyes.
facial features becoming more vibrant.
pale skin against crimson lips
and the empty blue eyes lined in darkness.
just because i have found someone new,
does not mean i cannot forget the old.

.this letter has written itself inside out again.

this drama sat shotgun...

...my eyes rained like autumn



it feels like i've failed at healing

when i intentionally paper cut myself

and just watch it ooze out from inside of me.

crimson tears

i let my arms cry



.i'll tell you just one thing, this wasn't worth the sting.
compliments of Make-Up Smeared Eyes by Automatic LoveLetter