it's not like i haven't noticed.
...
i just pretend not to.
University.
School.
Friends.
Mother.
Father.
Money.
Boyfriend.
Love.
Life.
Death.
Everyone Else's Problems That Have Been Thrown At Me.
Despite my best efforts, I can't help but cry.
Despite the troubles when everyone else tells me, I still feel depressed.
I don't understand why people say "You know, there are starving children in Africa! They have it worse than you ever will."
Well, sir, you may just be correct on that account. But really, it's not about what you have compared to other people that defines whether or not you're entitled to feel bad for yourself. It's about how much you lost to get to where you are now.
Little African children have no food, no water, and barely any shelter. What have they lost since they arrived on this planet? Nothing really... well of course it depends on the situation, if there was a drought or hurricane or other natural disaster they are excepted from my theory.
Now I, on the other hand, went from a spacious house to a townhouse, from a nuclear family to a separated family, from confident to diffident, from free to disgustingly unsupervised... well, you get the idea. My life went from one side of the world to the other... and has begun to affect everything I care about. My dad got worried... about my sister for being too shy and my brother for being secretive (...I exist too...I think?). My mom decided to book an EIGHTEEN DAY VACATION TO ISRAEL in the middle of the fucking SCHOOL YEAR, then bitches at me about how I'll never get into university with my marks. Fuck. You. If she really cared, she would have set some fucking ground rules and would have said No no no, this is my daughters last year of high school she needs to study. (My dearest loving mother is living as if she were 25, a dream world) What.E.Ver.
Mmmm I seem to have trailed off, forgive me.
That fucking Starving-Kids-In-Africa line doesn't work, you dipshits.
Don't get me wrong, I feel terrible that they live the way they do, if I had money to spare, I would love to donate to Haiti Relief.
But just because they live in worse conditions, it doesn't mean that I must bite my lip while my world shifts from one spectrum to the other (I mean, as far as the Canadian suburbs spectrum goes).
Mmmmm fuck, I'm so angered by my life that I've started to cry... huh, funny how my moods swing between depressed and angry.
Damn my mind and it's inability to put thoughts and theories into words.
This probably made no sense, and I should go back and proofread it for any signs of coherence, but I'm afraid that if it doesn't make sense it will simply make me feel worse.
I'll smile for a while. (that rhymed)
And it can very well be genuine.
...
...
But don't fuck with me.
KayyyyTHX
xox
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