What if I started a band?...

and i can't sleep tonight
because i'm haunted by the memories
and the demons behind my eyelids tease and taunt
to rip apart the soul
i'm holding out and i'm holding on
and i pray you don't come crawling back anymore.

I'm feeling so nostalgic
could it be wevé been here once before
i feel it creeping up my spine
worry anxious all the time.

Calling from the abyss
I swear i've heard your voice before
i feel your name on the tip of my tongue
like a cool bullet on the barrel of a gun

you are my sweetest downfall...

Wow I kinda really like Regina Spektor.

I've decided that metal and screamo doesn't help with data management problems.... so my new friend suggested to me some Regina Spektor... and I love it.
I'm dying for a voice like hers.... like whoa
INTENSE

In other news... I'm bipolar... not actually but I go from happy STRAIGHT into anger/ depressed.
My exboyfriends reading this.... so I can't reveal anything to my blog anymore about how much I hate him and how pointless he is and how he means nothing to me... =O
What did she say?
Huh?
What?
Exactly ;D

Oh jeezus
must go.... ADD ATTACK
WILL WRITE MORE LATERRR

DEATHOFBEAUTY...!?
...may be on drugs ;P

...a daylight bulb, and a flick of my switch, i'm wrapped in my darkness...

It's weird
how in the middle of a crisis
I am calm and collected.
but when the weight of the world is lifted
and i finally have room to breathe
I collapse from stress and anxiety
too scared to be carefree
because i always anticipate
another disaster.

Our lives are surrounded by hurricanes.
We cannot just say that our life is a hurricane,
because we never have just ONE eye.
One calm moment in the middle of life
before and after an off-the-chart storm.
No, it's one hurricane after another.
We know it is, and we feel when they come and go.
And the eyes are just never big enough...
never long enough...
they never last, as much as you want them to.
And just when you've become comfortable...
here comes the storm to whisk you away.


Who Will You Be When The Storm Comes Around?
The one who creates a perfect heaven in the eye only to leave more depression when the storm strikes?
Or
The one who is too busy worrying in the eye to suffer the severity of the oncoming crisis?

I'll Just Be
The
                DeathOfBeauty              

pregnancy jokes stopped being funny about 3 weeks ago...

abandon ship!
i think i'm sinking..
i can't quite seem to stay afloat
i'm drifting in and out of reality and dream
they're binding me to their borders
the ultimate game of tug-o-war.
that's all it ever truly is: a game
a sick and twisted scheme at work.
you seesaw me to no ends,
a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs
and just when i am at my highest
you leave and knock me to the ground.
words flow through me; my special attack.
my once dagger glares have become cheap
thumbtacks and pinpricks
and my ever backstabbing friends
have just left a hole where it all used to be.
spineless and empty
i begin to drown
and can't quite seem to stay afloat
i think i'm sinking so.
i must indeed.
abandon ship

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions

This'll be the last chance you get to drop my name...
I'd never lie to you

Unless I had to I'll do what I got to
Unless I had to I'll do what I got to,
The truth is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt
 You Are SO Last Summer- Taking Back Sunday

I have sand in places that I never wanted sand to be...
I have the taste of an unfamiliar boy in my mouth...
I have a heart that won't be held by duct tape anymore...
I have an illness that's eating me from the inside...
I have a sober mind that is now feeling nostalgic and philosophical...
I have a blog with everything I hold dear to me...
I have a soul waiting to be exposed...
I have to be real...
I have to be me...
I have to just be...
the
.Death-Of-Beauty.

Shh...can you spill a secret?