i can feel you all around me...

...thickening the air i'm breathing

the things i do for him
so he will never let go.
i cant keep grip on vaseline hands
as they reach out towards me just to mock.
everything i learn to trust turns into a lie.
i have the feeling to let it show.
eating at my soul from the inside out.
try to speak, but it falls on deaf ears.
sending gestures to the blind.
i'm lost in time and space.
set me free
set me free
let me out of this misery
and show me a world
as bright as the sea.
sad and cliche, pathetic yet true.
i'm completely worthless without you.

.savouring this heart that's healing.
All Around Me- Flyleaf
my blog needs a makeover. fack. exams soon.not posting much anymore.better to write it down. more people know it now. have to restrict what i say. fuck it all. going to bed. goodnight all who care.

close your eyes and make believe, this is where you want to be...

...forgetting all the memories

i'm buried deep inside my head
thoughts cage and swallow me whole.
i keep a note of thoughts and dreams,
so my mind can stay free
so i can be real.
i can hardly blink,
i can hardly sleep.
i've grown accustomed to hollowed eyes
and shadowy features.
i see it everywhere.
i see you everywhere.
eyes closed, eyes opened.
i'm never safe.
haunting..
wanting..
needing..
i look down on rippling puddles
when there is no rain to fall.
where do you look for a piece of mind
when you think you've lost it all?

.try to forget love cause love's forgotten me.
Decoy by Paramore

i'm hating the nightmares because i forget them when i awake
i'm hating nightmares because i'm a wreck at school
i'm hating nightmares because i grow so restless and
now i'm going out of my mind
rawwrrr....
i can't think straight. i need books.
i need to fucking sleep!!

even though day after day...

...i look for a reason to stay

every day i reach a new low,
so i dont bother to ask when it'll end.
i wipe my eyes before i sleep,
and never wonder why my tears turn red.
i find comfort in quiet spaces.
and scream through soundproof windows.
my chin is only comfortable on my knees.
why is my room always so damn cold?
sleep with one eye open
but walk with both eyes down.
out of my mind
don't know when i'll be back.
just because i don't talk,
doesn't mean i can't hear.

.if only you could tell why i feel this way.
title and bolded is Hung Up by Suzie McNeil.
i've been sick in the head for about a week now.
it's driving me crazy
can't wait for sleep to come
it's been too long...

and if you ran away...

...i'd still wave goodbye

this heart
it beats
beats for only you.
it's a good feeling when you know there's always something to look forward to at the end of the week.
the silver lining.
the light at the end of the tunnel.
i'm hearing noises, voices, sounds.
but all i see is what's right in front of me.
and it's not a sight to see.
gauge out my eyes
and stuff my ears with cotton.
i don't want to see or hear anything
that i don't feel i should face.
drama, school, being fake.
the devil on my shoulder told me to
take a risk.
i'll jump first off the diving board.
the weekends are only 5 days apart
but it feels like 5 years.

.watching you shine bright.
compliments of Brighter by Paramore
you know your mom thinks you're a whore when she asks if you're pregnant... but then have to lie about how far you've gone with a guy
oh wow i laughed a lot today.
try saying goof out loud...
goof is my word of the week! WOOT
...thanks a lot buddy.

in a perfect world, i see no therapist...

...in a perfect world, this wouldn't make me sick

don't blame me
pulling my hair out is now just a regular activity.
saves me from a breakdown.
that and guitar of course.
i hate it all.
i hate that i have to practice smiling in the mirror,
it never comes out right in the halls.
i hate that i have nothing to make me stand out,
appearance isnt everything anymore.
i hate that i end up pushing friends away,
after a while, their faces just double
i hate that i have trust issues,
because now i can't trust even those closest to me.
i hate that everything thats good to me ends up leaving,
because then i have to start all over again.
i hate that i can't believe promises and love,
because i see it crash and fall around me.
back to being f.i.n.e.

.she pulls the trigger until the gun goes click.
lyrics by Billy Talent... called Perfect World
well i know the world is definitely not perfect.
whats the difference between feeling lonely and being alone
at least when you're lonely you have someone to turn to.

some people think their always right, others are quiet and uptight...

...others they seem so very nice, nice, nice, nice

unconsciousness blooming,
it's the dreams they see,
you wish to last millenniums,
but not for me.
i have monsters behind these eyelids,
awaiting me when the moon is tall.
and the night darkens as i hear,
sleep and bare it all...
sleep is so tempting...
but i'm no daredevil.
i'll stick my pinkie toe to test the waters,
sucked in by the tide.
i'm drowning in life,
but i can drink it all in.
let's strike a final pose,
on ice ponds too thin.
reaching surface,
wish i could've stayed,
for a life like this,
has been greatly delayed.

.inside they might feel sad and wrong, oh no.
Bolded and title is the amazing You Only Live Once by The Strokes
WOOTWOOT.
major headache...
uh don't don't don't GET UP!!
SHOOT ME DOWNNN
SHUT ME UPPP
I'LL CALlllm doownnn
WOOOAHHAHA