...it's not so pleasant and it's not so conventional
every day i wake up hoping i'm in a white room,
so maybe this will all be a dream, an accident, a mistake.
the ativan has worn off, and i'm suffering from a mild amnesia.
i sit in my hard, hospital bed and wonder
where did my life go?
why am i here?
when did it all end?
my wires choke me.
and the beeping of the IV to the left is echoing through my ears.
i'm just nostalgic for a 'worth it' life.
not a life that will turn on me,
and say "i'm sorry i cant be perfect"
and "you deserve better".
a hopeless promise and a breakable vow,
i do deserve better than that.
i lay back down to think, closing my glazed eyes.
then i realize, why can't i open them again?
the IV echoes louder and faster, and footsteps approach.
fuck the ringing ears i want to go home.
i try to scream but it falls on deaf ears.
a faint "clear" is heard and the IV quickens.
i just want to go home, i don't want to be here.
i deserve my life, it's perfect enough for me.
life, don't leave, don't leave. not now.
there are those who say they see the white light at the end of the tunnel,
but maybe its just for those who are willing to accept death.
i'm not one with arms wide open.
the noise.the beeping.the footsteps.the "clear". they start to fade.
life, don't let me slip, slip, away...
.it sure as hell ain't normal but we deal, we deal.
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