I'm just a little

space cadet
with my feet on the ground
my hands held high
but I seem to be
digging myself down

I can see the end but don't know where I began
so many things I cannot understand...

Sadly, I'm back.... xoxo
DeathOfBeauty

I pray a lot

for someone who doesn't believe in God.

take my photo off the wall if it just won't sing for you
cuz all that's left has gone away and there's
nothing left for you to do.

oh now look what you've done
you've made a fool of everyone
oh well it seems like such fun
until you lose what you had won.
oh well look what you've done
you've made a fool of everyonee

i'll keep my mouth shut but my fingers will run wild forever

too busy
I get it.
but facebook can't keep it's mouth shut
I never really understand why I'm so surprised to see a new update
every
time
I sign on.
It's the
pang feeling
you have when you get somewhat hurt.
only somewhat.
because my years resolution forbids me to feel more.
like I was saying.
I'm keeping my mouth shut.
No more texts.
No more IMs.
No more wishing, hoping, praying.
I need to see some blood sweat and tears.
Maybe a cliche
Maybe a gesture.
Anything.
Because though you're still here.

I feel like you've already left...

Silently sulks
the
Death Of Beauty.

he's there...

i can smell it
the taste,
feel it between the fingerprints,
and move along the breeze of
the ever-passive teenage mind.
tic-toc, tic-toc,
we're racing against time,
trapped in a clock.
dodging the seconds while the minutes roll by
and our hour is slowly approaching.
tic-toc, tic-toc,
our race for more time.
traditions are meant to be broken
and hearts are forever.
flip that around, turn it upside down
and you'll find me
just one big disaster.

tic-toc, tic freakin TOC.
this mind of mine needs a new lock
3 more to go, 3 more to go
tictictoc, 
tictictoc,
tictictoc....

Signing off with this blurb of thoughts
open to no interpretation, it's self explanatory.

xoxo
DeathOfBeauty

old nightmares have faded...

but the worst has yet to come..

Tragic, but True.
I have big dreams wrapped up in you.

I'm holding out and holding on
to every letter and every song
to every text and every line
to every wink and every sign
to every little thing you do
like I said,
my dreams are wrapped up in you...

soundly I'll never sleep,
so long as I'm the
death of beauty....


I'm back

HereGoesEverythin

Well, I'm off to Israel for 18 days
so no posts for 18 days I guess.

Words cannot express my anger, resentment, hurt, and disappointment right now.
There's no way I'm pinning this on PMS this time.

I'm just downright annoyed.
Thanks for letting me go on vacation knowing that someone probably doesn't care.

Hmm, it's 3 a.m.

Goodbye, goodnight, and goodluck (you're gonna need it, honey)

xoxo,
         Death.Of.Beauty....

So this is the outcome of taking the hint?

Don't you worry about me I'm fine
just chasing your hollow lulls-

it's hard to speak, makes me weak
oh, what a sick cliche
come to think of it now
you said you wouldn't have her any other way
i see a girl, she's frightened
waiting by the hydrant for a sign
of anything,anything, that'll make her feel alive

Don't you worry about me I'm fine
I'm just still chasing your hollow lullabies
Sweet symphony runs through my threaded veins
split a seam, make me weep I'll just be filled with
twine and broken dreams

your goose-down bed has turn to stone
she shrieks with pain when she should moan
a single tear cascades the porcelain face
"nothing more than an embrace"
she thinks as you move towards her
shaken, feared, she wanted you to hold her
just one moment for it all to be right,
nothing in sight, no love in sight


Don't you worry about me I'm fine
Just keep chasing your hollow lullabies
Sweet symphony runs through my threaded veins
split a seam, make me weep I'll just be filled with
twine and broken dreams

fingers caress, slide down spaghetti straps,
you watch her face change as you tug on her dress,
calloused tips make their way down
buttons one and two, teach her something new
about love and loss.
she hears the zip and the pounding of her heart
and a cool new breeze
time begins to freeze...

"let me out don't want to be here
i'm only caged by what i've learned to fear
passing glances and drinks
leads me to think
that this is only temporary
only temporary..." (all said in a whisper)

It's so obvious I'm not fine,
Hey just caught up with your stupid hollow lullabies
Down by the hydrant I carved out a phrase
telling the world, that this love, according to you
nothing more than an embrace.

Mmmmm I love 2 a.m. lyrics.
"So this is the outcome of taking the hint" or well... Hollow Lullabies
took 15 minutes to write, obviously.
And was at 2 a.m.
GOODNIGHT!!!

xoxo.
Death Of Beauty

uhhh yea =D

Okay so I have this friend.
She's pretty much the same person as me.
I swear I was not high when saying this.

Basically, we are a part of a different world.
you kno those angels and devils on peoples shoulders?
Yea, we're in the angel/devil world.
And together, we make up one person in a bigger world,
with features that combine the two of us.
Soooo my friend called being the devil first, but that is not going to happen
because we interchange angel and devil roles
sooo sometimes i'm the angel, and sometimes i'm the devil.
and so the angel is sometimes the devil
and the devil is sometimes the angel
...
and our host is just really stupid.

WOOT

the death of beauty....

just got into university!
and is really giddy!
and is feeling pretty!
and witty!
and freaky,
TEEHEE!!


GOODNIGHT
xoxo
Death.Of.BEAUTY! =D

I...

am drunk.

SO NO MESSAGE TODAY
OR POST OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT


LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED.
except i don't have it!!!!

xoxo
.Death.Of.Beauty.

don't even bother

i'm over it ;)

what's that supposed to mean?
Hmmm, it could mean a bunch of things
use your imagination =D


gonna rock tonight
and party like fuckin rockstars

xoxo
DeathofBEAUTY

his song.

"I don't love you
I'm just passing the time.
You could love me if I knew how to lie.
But who can love me I am out of my mind.
Throwing a line out to sea.
To see if I can catch a dream."

Everyone in my life lives in a dream world. You think you can just do absolutely anything you please, without caring about how it may affect others. Once again I give a big Fuck. You. to those lovely folks in my life who believe that anything is possible if you just believe.... no, anything is possible if you believe you can work hard enough to achieve it.
No love
No time
No secrets
No mind
No hook, line, sinker
No dreams.

Get your heads out of the clouds and back into your dense heads.

i fought the war...

I fought the war
I fought the war
but the war won't STOP for the LOVE OF GOD!!!!

if I dig my hole deep enough.
I can be cooked by the centers core.
if I dig my hole deep enough
I can fall through the Earth and float in nothing for eternity.
if I dig my hole deep enough.
it can just, implode on me.

You
can
bury
me
alive.

and
I'll
be
the
Death....Of.... you

and another one...

first day of work...
and i hate it already.

Another day.

another empty inbox,
another fall,
another panic attack,
another brawl,
another dark phase,
another dent in my wall,
another excuse,
another missed call,
another scribble,
another scrawl,
another reason,
he won't miss me at all.

 xxoo
DeathOfBeauty

I'm almost certain...

... That the post before this made NO SENSE WHATSOEVER.
Bear with me, please.

i just wanted to hold you in my arms...

i'm changing
it's not like i haven't noticed.
...
i just pretend not to.

University.
School.
Friends.
Mother.
Father.
Money.
Boyfriend.
Love.
Life.
Death.
Everyone Else's Problems That Have Been Thrown At Me.

Despite my best efforts, I can't help but cry.
Despite the troubles when everyone else tells me, I still feel depressed.

I don't understand why people say "You know, there are starving children in Africa! They have it worse than you ever will."

Well, sir, you may just be correct on that account. But really, it's not about what you have compared to other people that defines whether or not you're entitled to feel bad for yourself. It's about how much you lost to get to where you are now.
Little African children have no food, no water, and barely any shelter. What have they lost since they arrived on this planet? Nothing really... well of course it depends on the situation, if there was a drought or hurricane or other natural disaster they are excepted from my theory.
Now I, on the other hand, went from a spacious house to a townhouse, from a nuclear family to a separated family, from confident to diffident, from free to disgustingly unsupervised... well, you get the idea. My life went from one side of the world to the other... and has begun to affect everything I care about. My dad got worried... about my sister for being too shy and my brother for being secretive (...I exist too...I think?). My mom decided to book an EIGHTEEN DAY VACATION TO ISRAEL in the middle of the fucking SCHOOL YEAR, then bitches at me about how I'll never get into university with my marks. Fuck. You. If she really cared, she would have set some fucking ground rules and would have said No no no, this is my daughters last year of high school she needs to study. (My dearest loving mother is living as if she were 25, a dream world) What.E.Ver.

Mmmm I seem to have trailed off, forgive me.
That fucking Starving-Kids-In-Africa line doesn't work, you dipshits.
Don't get me wrong, I feel terrible that they live the way they do, if I had money to spare, I would love to donate to Haiti Relief.
But just because they live in worse conditions, it doesn't mean that I must bite my lip while my world shifts from one spectrum to the other (I mean, as far as the Canadian suburbs spectrum goes).


Mmmmm fuck, I'm so angered by my life that I've started to cry... huh, funny how my moods swing between depressed and angry.
Damn my mind and it's inability to put thoughts and theories into words.
This probably made no sense, and I should go back and proofread it for any signs of coherence, but I'm afraid that if it doesn't make sense it will simply make me feel worse.

I'll smile for a while. (that rhymed)
And it can very well be genuine.
...
...


But don't fuck with me.

KayyyyTHX
xox

Of

Hypothetically, of course... maybe...

if I were to write a story based on my high school life... what could I possibly call it?
A loooong time ago when I tried writing it
I called it
The Girl In The Glass Box
But i don't know anymore...
Hmmm let me think about it.

MARCH BREAK FUCK YEA.

I Belong To You/Mon Coeur S'ouvre A Ta Voix--- (By Muse)

La morte Di Bellezza

aka

Death Of Beauty.

you electrify my life...

Yea, just lyrics tonight. Because I gotta study
and I just got back from the Muse and Silversun Pickups concert...
Yumm....
Here's some hope, expectations, black holes and revelations...
otherwise known as
Starlight by Muse =D

Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

THE Starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms

Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold

Cowards....

Aren't we all?

I'll watch you go....

You speak to me
I know this will be temporary
You ask to leave,
but I can tell you that I've had enough.
I can't take it
This welcome is gone and
I've waited long enough to make it
and if you're so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go...
Step up to me
I know that you've got something buried
I'll set you free
You set conditions, but I've had enough.
I can't take it
This welcome is gone and
I've waited long enough to make it
and if you're so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go.....

 

don't let it go away, this feeling has got to stay

While reading through certain psychological disorders for a literature paper, I've discovered that I'm the worst kind of hypochondriac.

Definition of myself now: a bipolar schizophrenic with anxiety and major depressive issues.

Whoops... damn psychology class.

Happy Monday,
Now I'll get off here and study for one test, one quiz, and write a lab report and three different responses. Hoorah!!!!

Fml...
Dee Oh Beauty.

Requiem For A Dream... GARBLE

I gotta remember that title in case I need any epic background music
Now I FINALLY know what that song is
(minus the GARBLE, o'course)

Hallelujah.

never call me a bitch,
I'll eat your babies...
not really,
but something bad may happen to you.
cross out "may" and insert "WILL"
wayyy too lazy to backspace or touch the mouse until I'm done this little posr
See I don't even want to fix posr and make it POST.
Kinda funny..
but you know whats not funny?
Having everyone else but you get accepted into university.
And JUST when I decide I should work extra hard on school
my idiotic friend (or well, ex friend now) decides to cause some shitty drama.
So I'm a selfish bitchy lil slut who should mind her own business.
Well I think you should GO FUCK YOURSELF.
My boyfriend may be reading this and laugh at my spaz attacks
but I assure you, I'm SO not laughing.

Fuck the world a lot of people gotta die tonight
whoaaa oh whoa oh whoaa oh whoooaa oh
Shitloads of money spent to tell us wrong from right.
whoaaa oh whoa oh whoaa oh whoooaa oh
Fuck the world, fuck them all!

Mmmmm AntiFlag.

Kay I'm gonna go watch Canada fail miserably
and watch Israel pwn some major ice dancing ASS!

1 5p34k l33t
ROFL mehbeh
SUGAR RUSH ON POMEGRANATE ICECREAM

BAIBAI XD

so much love and hate
I am the BIPOLAR SUGAR ADDICT who says fuck you to the haters and to the sad life we LOVE TO LIVE IN!!!
death...OF BEAUTTYYYY!!!
XD
=[

but god can be funny, at a cocktail party when listening to a good "god-themed" joke

I've been drowning in doubt,
driven mad by the events around me,
and swallowed by a tide of guilt.
As hard as I try
words cannot replace the feeling.
like the tip of dagger is sunken in
the rest waiting for the perfect moment,
the perfect place.
the perfect kill.
Only problem is that
I don't know who holds the dagger.
I don't know who applies the pressure.
I don't know who is killing me.
Driven mad by the world around me,
I'm swallowed by a tide of guilt.
A wave of anguish.
A sense of fear.
A feeling of hopelessness.
And I have no true words to express to everyone
what could possibly be going through my mind
without risking losing them forever..

torn, without a shoulder to lean on
I lay here as the
Death....ofbeauty.

I kinda...

Just want to dance.
Something about moving my body along with the beat is just... I don't know the word, riveting? compelling? enchanting?

Releasing. When you are one with the music, it's as if nothing else matters.

realization with some paranoia on the side...

...
You know you might be freaking out when you're constantly checking the university sites for application updates... any bursaries or scholarships... anything that can make your life easier.

I hate my parents... for not saving money up in a trust fund for me to go to university, and I hate that they're not doing it for my brother and sister either.
I hate that I might be stuck at home for at least another year because my parents were too lazy to get a real education and a stable career.
I hate that they can't even afford fuckin groceries.

There's no point to this anymore.
Nothing is secret.
I put it all out here, to the world.
But what for?

...I'm not even going to do my original sign-off.
Bye.

how does it feel?

I wouldn't know...
BUT

I once knew a girl who
had sealed her own lips shut.
she was quiet and shy (well, obviously)
rarely expressed her opinions and just went with the flow.
many wondered why she would do such a thing,
but the answer was quite simple:
she wanted a boy to love her.

Then that girl I once knew
had glued her tear ducts shut.
she always stared straight ahead and rarely blinked (obviously)
strong on the outside, weak on the inside
many wondered why she would do such a thing,
but the answer was quite simple:
she didn't want to cry over a boy.

Then that girl I once knew
had plugged her ears with cotton.
she walked alone, not listening to anyone around her (obviously)
ignorance is bliss, she thought to herself
many wondered why she would do such a thing
but the answer was quite simple:
she didn't want to listen to a boy

Then that girl I once knew
had cut her heart out of her chest.
she was never really the same after that (obviously... I think)
she put it in a small case, locked it and buried it in her yard.
many wondered why she would do such a thing
but the answer was quite simple:
she didn't want to love a boy anymore.

Speak no Love.
Hear no Love.
See no Love.
...
Feel no Love.

It was a lot more gruesome the first time around...
very Tim Burton-esque, if you will.
But I editted it a bit to make it less gorey but still to the point.
Guing her tear ducts is slightly better than hollowing out her eyes right?
Wow this sucks if you're a visual thinker
(like my lovely best friend who reads this from time to time, hahhh)

I really don't understand why people are freaking out over prom dilemmas this early...
Like, dresses I kinda understand... but SEATING ARRANGEMENTS?
Go fuck yourselves and let me listen to my new love, Vampire Weekend.
Mmm they're "the sex"... if I were in the UK and would use their slang.

Sadly, I lay awake
as the
Death....OfBeauty

Exams and another makeover

The title speaks for itself.

Exams can kiss my ass, I'm going to fail Chemistry....

AAANNDDDD
I don't know how to work this new Page thingy that's going on here
but i'll figure it out and it will be awesomesauce

bai

I'm Miles From Where You Are...

Patrons on the rocks,

AND I'M READY FOR SOME SHOTS!!!!
God that song is catchy and is such a party starter...
not that I've been to a party
because of fucking EXAMS!

GARBLErubblerabblerabble
mmmmbut oh well.

Any positives?
1) I just realized Patrick Dempsey is in one of the Scream movies. ROFLCOPTER
2) Exams come as quickly as they go, a few hell days and I'm good =D
3) It's almost my one year anniversary with my boyfriend, and now I seem to be acting like a giddy little girl. Now I know why my friend was all excited for her one year, it's kind of a big deal whether you're a girly girl or not. Well we're going to see Planet Smashers and The Creepshow at the Opera House, just like our first date on Valentines Day =D tehehehhefbasdifvbuavbuilasfrbwseo gawd I'm gonna be embarrassed if he reads this

Ell Em Eff Ay Oh!!
Shots Shots ShotsShotsShotsShots!
I could use a drink ;]

I sleep soundly
as the

Dee Ee Ay Tee Aych
Oh Eff
Bee Ee Ay You Tee Why

But on the plus side...

Me and a couple of friends participated in the ImprovToronto annual No Pants Subway Ride!!!
And yea, I saw my lovely red hair on the mother fucking News at 11:00.
Fuckkiin rad.

So then we decided it would also be fun to walk down Queen Street without pants.
Some phrases of the day
"SLUTS!!" (People in a car, they're awesomesauce)
"God Bless Canadian Girls!"
"Did you lose a bet or something?" (Employee at Adrenaline Tattoo)
"You girls are brave." "Aren't  you guys cold?!?!"
"What's the deal with the no pants?"
"I'm so confused!! Augh my head hurts now man.." (Cashier at Adrenaline Tattoos)
And many many more of course.


Then after getting our pants back on at around... 5ish, we continued our journey in downtown Toronto,
with some
FREE HUG SIGNS!!!!
Yea, we pulled out some cardboard signs and started asking people for free hugs.
People can be quite cruel, and then again, people can be quite nice.
We got an inspirational speech sort of thing from this lovely old-ish woman while in the middle of a group hug, it was very adorable.

Responses to "Free Hugs?":
"..Perverts!" (creepy old guy)
"Ohh free hugs! Now I'll give you ladies a free kiss, Mwah Mwah!" (sexy guy on the street with an accent who gave us kisses on the cheeks. Awkward but nevertheless hilarious)
"You sure? I smell like belgian waffles." (person that worked at a waffle place, and smelled delicious!)
"How much?" (To which I replied, It's free, so that'll be five bucks please.)
"Anything for you beautiful ladies!"

And we got a couple of people who wanted pictures with us, and a couple who asked for our names, which was kinda creepy, but the pictures were cool.

Kay well it's like, 1 in the morning and I might wanna think about going to bed!
Or I will,
yea, I will.

Still angry, annoyed, upset, and in the mood for some fucking dedication and honesty
I sleep as the
Death Of Beauty

Most annoying phrase in the whole fucking world.

"What do you want from me?"

Fucking HATE that question
Why?
Because I immediately start feeling like a naggy little bitch for even complaining about anything.
What do you want from me?
What do you want me to say?
What Do You Want?
...
What do I want????
I just want to live a fucking normal life with a normal and loving family, and a normal and successful school average, and a normal and loving relationship and to just feel like I actually belong in this fucking world.
Because honestly I have NONE of the things I mentioned above. Then again neither do most people... so NOW I'm being a naggy little bitch

So basically
Nobody should EVER ask me "what do you want from me?"!!!
Because if I'm not smiling on a daily basis,
and I'm not giving you any real answer,
then I don't fucking know either.

Angry, annoyed, upset, exhausted, and just really not in the mood for any more shit,
I stand tall as the
Death Of Beauty