i drowned out all my sense with...

...the sound of its beating

have you ever had the feeling
that when you fall too hard
and get back up again
you wish that you were back down again?
have you ever played
the hardest you've ever played
just for a worthless impression.
it's these cuts and bruises that remind me,
that nobody is perfect.
perfection is like the feeling of vertigo off the rooftops
its the fear that some people live with,
and it can drive you crazy.
the heartbeats you hear in your ears,
the in-and-out focus of your eyes,
the sweat of your face and palms.
this is me on a regular basis.
why you ask?
i have the fear of vertigo
i have the fears of imperfection.
sometimes being too unique can bring out the worst in people.
no self-esteem, no assurance, no hands to catch you when you fall, nobody.
why is perfection like the feeling of vertigo off the rooftops?
because sometimes, you just gotta suck it all up and take a jump.

.and that's what you get when you let your heart win.

the bolded is Thats What You Get by Paramore.
im overwhelmed with everything.
talks of moving and change.
well fuck it.
ill take any shoulder at this point.
but i fear leaning too hard.
i'm sick of being unique.