your voice was the soundtrack of my summer...

...do you know you're unlike any other

don't mind me if a walk with a slump
the heartbreak just keeps weighing me down.
carrying the weight of the world.
the colours fade to grey as i pass by.
staring down the sidewalk,
in hopes of finally winning something in life.
flats worn and torn from countless trips and falls.
jeans faded and ripped in the knees,
wet from the rain puddles carelessly placed ahead of me.
could care less, there's only one thought in mind:
'the break.crashes.and burns of summer'
whisper "its over,its all over"
overflowing thoughts and secrets begging to be set free
but i refrain, you never know when you'll get back stabbed.
i look up at the horizon, praying for that light to fade
i'm in an unfamiliar place
call for help, but nobody is listening
i look down into a puddle, hoping to see a reflection
face pale, eyes black, grey-stained cheeks, pale lips:
this is not who i am.
call for help, but nobody is listening.
whisper "its not over,it'll never be over..."

.you'll always be my thunder, so bring on the rain.

arent you proud you're the one that made me??

well fuck it.
im surrounded by my thoughts
caging me
and i cant trust anyone
nobody but myself.
i'm expected to wallow in my own misery
and turn all "emo"
well fuck it!!!
i distant myself from others for a reason.
if i get too attached, the stabs in the back will be too painful
distance is less hurtful.
therefore, the people who pry into my life... fuck the HELL off!
...thank you for reading...
i apologize for the inappropriate language but im just so overstressed and confused
stop trying to show fake sympathy.
you're the problem i'm trying to fix

all because of you, i believe in angels...

...not the kind with wings, no not the kind with halos...

year-old forgotten memories haunt my dreams
sick feeling of deja vu when i turn a corner.
the gravity of the rooftops,
the old carved tree
the lost kisses
teardrop stained papers
the crying currents and honesty flows
slipping into the childhood fairy tales
the creaky swings at the local park
the inspirational sidewalks,
where i once walked by myself.
the white rooms,
whispers of "imnotcrazyimnnotmadimnotalone."
the breaks.crashes.and burns all come running.
it's all just a sick dream
wake me up and save me from myself.
and when i turn that corner,
i'll know it's not a dream.
confine me to the white rooms because now i'm 100% aware
that loneliness is most definitely contagious.

.the kind that bring you home, when home becomes a strange place.
.i’ll follow your voice, all you have to do is shout it out.

sorry for the looong wait.
i've been suffering from a very depressing ordeal
it's known as...writers block.
this is like...a recap of all my old blogs kind of...if you've read them all
anyways, i've magically cured myself and will be back on track...
hopefully.

i'm always hoping ...

...for some enjoyment from disappointment

fade from my eyes,
like the silhouette to the horizon.
the perfect sunset.
two lovers, dying slowly.
leave the love we once shared
carved into the oak tree where we lay,
once upon a time.
now the tears fall
like the leaves off the tree.
now hope dangles on the final auburn leaf
and we're the broken branches
aching to be whole once more.
like the smashed picture frame on the bedroom floor.
i love when little whispers of truth
are the "has been" and "used to" phrases months later
everything i do is flipped and awkwardly reverse
so tell me lies to keep me sane.
when the tree withers
when the sky turns grey
when the grass is dead and brown
and when the sunset becomes the sunrise,
look back to the past
and think about the smiles and regrets.
i hope you know that i'm something you'll be missing.


.I can feel the misery from some place deep inside of me.

wont even mind it so bad.

okay well i got nothing today,
except for these lyrics that are stuck in my head.
...great...
i shall post them!


Say you love me
You can lie if it is comforting
and I won't even mind it so bad
Won't even find it so sad
Please see that I've changed
I sealed the cracks in my window panes
and I won't even mind it so bad
Won't even find it so sad:

I'm not sick, I'm not weird, I'm simply in love
You must try to understand you were sent from above
You say you hate me well that's just fine
I will wait till the end of time

Loving you is the only thing I ever knew
letting go is the hardest thing I'll ever do
I don't even mind it so bad
I don't even find it so sad today

home improvement- red jumpsuit apparatus

i've already given up on myself twice...

...third time is the charm

i'm tired of living inside my prison.
kisses on cheeks could leave bruises,
but its the memory that leaves a scar.
tears that i could shed over him,
leave cheeks stained red.
walk me to my front door.
kiss me under the porch light
and let me melt into him.
oh its what he does to me,
and i cant get enough.
but i still think i'm the pawn that has yet to make its move.
the test to be experimented and documented,
and i'm about to fail.
old habits die hard,
and your ways are trying to bite back.
i'm looking for the "worth it" boy.
this is the calm before the storm,
and when i step out into the rain,
the lightening shocks are just so frequent these days.
if he is the "worth it" boy
then why don't i feel..."worth it"?

.i threw caution into the wind, but i've got a lousy arm.

fall asleep with the window open...

...you'll close your eyes and see me

i left it all behind to be somebody,
yet why am still unheard?
i sleep a partially-peaceful slumber
trying to rid myself of all thoughts and wishes
knowing that they're wasted by just thinking.
hopes stepped on like gum on the sidewalk.
trampled on by the words that ripped apart the once-whole heart,
that's now held together by a few heartstrings
which are about to see its last pluck.
let's watch a final sunset,
carve messages into the oak tree.
the only place i've ever known,
is the place that i'll never go.
i'll leave a letter before i go
seal my love with a kiss.
you only see paradise with your eyes closed,
because you fear of whats there when you're open.
even though i've never really lived,
it wouldn't hurt to try death sometime.

.a little death makes life more meaningful.
i stand no chance at all

my confidence is leaving me on my own...

...no one can save me

she is the dazed and deserted.
the isolated and confused.
as the wind flows through her
like the tides to the shore,
she began to wonder
what she was ever looking for.
shes surrounded by her flaws,
seems that's all that's ever seen.
her room is her only escape from this tragedy.
but this pen is running out of ink and paper is too wet from the tears she cries.
this mess that she's left behind has caused her misery.
whats the point of life if you have to suffer through it all,
wishing you were dead and unloved.
paradise is only 6 feet under.
she felt as though she was pushed off a moving plane
sent spiralling towards earth at 300 mph.
and landed on the grass of an open field.
but the pain never felt any different.
and she walks a lonely road.
the black and white life with the few shades of grey.
with her once vibrant heart in her hands
waiting for her "worth it" boy
to make her whole.
to make her "worth it"
to make life "worth it"
to make dreaming "worth it"
if dreams could be reality,
she'd spend every second awake
because every second would be "worth it"

.and you know i don't want the attention.

a better love deserving of...

...exchanging body heat in the passenger seat

you know how to get me going.
you know how to make me sweat.
never expected to be your next pawn,
your new catch on the play field.
as much as i hate this, i'm not entirely upset.
exchange body heat to keep us warm
i feel like we're trying to run the bases,
and this ones going for home.
i'm just teasing through the innings,
while you wait for the grand slam.
it was me and you, alone in a partially crowded stadium.
i know its just another hit-and-run,
another record for your books.
your just a testosterone boy.
and i'm the confused and dazed.
a harlequin girl praying for love
but paying in naivety.
"dance to this beat and hold a lover close."
i can be a lover.

.you know it will always just be me.

the cost of misery...

...is at an all-time high

scream until my lungs give out
i see love fade to a silhouette
beyond a horizon that ill never cross,
and all i have ever known now
has faded to grey.
always wanted to play Russian Roulette,
because every trigger pull is like a new first breath
and a wrong shot becomes your last.
life is no game, no matter how gruesome.
they say revenge is sweet.
its fucking finger licking good,
the stains of guilt and shame on my hands
wont wash away, so i can never forget.
oh isn't love grand?
isn't life sweet?
and i weave lies like a spiders web,
capturing my prey.
and they run like the makeup you make me spill.

right hello. so yeah funny story for this weekend.
and sorry i didn't get the post out on Monday, oh well.
well anyways, ill summarize it.
Thursday, i went camping with friends and family
only to get sick on Friday and go home with my friends who were "sick" as well
warped tour was the following day and we (more me then them) were freaking out.
turns out me and 1 friend was okay to go, and we went while our other friend was sick.
we couldn't sell the ticket, but we got it signed for her by Meg and Dia.
warped tour was A.MA.ZINGGG!
ill post pics up... i've got three down there already and ill post more...
that's all for now...

.i keep it hidden.

listen to my voice it's my disguise...

...i'm by your side

the only difference between life and death is breathing,
Canada beckoned songs about lies written by "friends".
(its a new verse every fucking day.)
camisado
time to shine.
backstabbing is the most fun a friend can have without cleaning up the mess.
but its better if you dont.
i write poems not fairytales.
i constantly thank god for friends
theres a good reason these people keep secrets honey, you just havent figured it out yet.

i got absolutely nothing today to write about
so i pretty much edited the titles of panic at the disco songs
im not going to be posting for a few days
camping, then Warped Tour. im very excited.
so ill probably post on..monday?
possibly ill post the photos i took. (or my friends took, but i stole their cameras hehe)
well...see you all next week.

p.s. i've finally mastered Hey There Delilah on the acoustic guitar. major accomplishment for having only played for about a month and a half.

.oh it's what you do to me.

please speak slowly...

...my heart is learning

just thought you'd like to know who i really am.
i'm:
mad as a hatter
thin as a dime
blue as the ocean
dull as the gray scale lives
that we choose to live
just because we fear the colours
of the chaotic, backstabbing hurricane
that some like to call "life."
like if i take a step out into the sun
i'd crumble to ashes
i'm the lie that we all believe
i'm afraid of living another second
but terrified of the last moment with eyes open
bags under my eyes; i never sleep anymore
and my world just recently started to fall.
chicken-little wasn't too far off.
because the skies and clouds fell from the sky
as though i threw the rock through my bathroom mirror
shattering with an ear piercing scream.
i walk in the rain so nobody knows that half of the rain that falls was my creation
my tears
my memories
my past.
i follow the direction of the storm so that i remain in the eye.
its all calm before the storm.
and its all storm before the calm.
i've got no way out of the calm.
hold my hand, and together we'll walk into the storm.
i guess the seconds of living my life that i fear the most
are just beginning.

.teach me heart-ache.
.stop this burning now.

so when you're dead and gone will you remember this night?...

...twenty years now lost

so here, i am , i'm trying
so here, i am, i'm not ready
have you ever felt your world crash down on you?
mine did at almost exactly 6:28 p.m. today
and i watched every piece tumble down
until all i could see was a black abyss of my future
i had suspicions, but i assumed i over analyzed
and i thought my world would crash down on me.
their calls to me and my brother were like a death sentence
and i was pulled outside to endure the talk
the talk of truth, the unfolding of our lives
when all was revealed
and soon my world would crash down on me.
kiss to send me off
i'm engulfed in those crimson tears that drown my past
the word "divorce" ringing through my ears
i shake my head
i'm not thinking straight
i pinch myself
i must be dreaming
and i felt that world start to crash down on me.
how am i supposed to cope?
its not my fault, as they say
my eyes were hidden from the rising tensions that arose in the very household
"we tried to stay together for you kids"
you gave it all away
and now i realize
i've never cried more in my entire life than i have tonight
and now i try to carry the world that has crashed down on me.

.it's not right.

Please Read
blink 182- stay together for the kids
an announcement from the parents tonight: this marriage isnt working for us
get ready for an emotional breakdown
i just wiped away my tears and now im learning the song by Blink182 on the guitar
thanks for reading... im sure there will be a shitload more